June 27, 2017

Oh, the present.





I am on this artistic pursuit.  

It feels very important to me. and It feels like I am very responsible for so much. 

I think we all are. responsible for one another. 

for making things better. 

That is why I write and it is how I live. 

And often it means I am thinking about where I have been. And where I am trying to get. 




I never want to stop recording and loving yesterday. 
and I never want to stop throwing hope in the direction of my future. 


But man. I am really sitting in the lesson that is the present. 









Today my garden has new blooms that it didn't have yesterday. 

and that it will not have for too long. 

Unless they are my hydrangeas cause those are exploding.  and I can virtually hide in them. 
ok. I actually can get in them and hide. 

and have. 





Tonight I am in clean sheets and I have a cold. and I stayed up too late thinking about things. and I just finished ice-cream with sprinkles.

 and all of those specific things make right now very different from all other times. 

HERES TO RIGHT NOW! 

Because we have it. 


and because it probably is teaching us something. 



I am working on patience. so for me. thats probably it.

BUT I HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT TOMORROW AT LEAST 12 TIMES SINCE I STARTED WRITING THIS. 

it is in my blood. 

A-



I think sitting in the present is a huge part of learning to trust. 
and learning to rest in truth. 

So I am going to focus on those things. 


...after I listen to a few more songs and think about how sweet it is that the world all goes to sleep at night when things get quiet. 




I mean really. 

The present has so many glorious little parts. 

I will find more now.

and more, tomorrow.












June 14, 2017

banana crown.



So the past few months I have been swimming in LIVE ART work. and the show just happened. 

I am so exhausted and also very full. 

The show was wonderful and I will write more about that for sure. soon.



But, I have simultaneously been working on other things. finishing school. experiencing challenges. and crawling forward. Things are busy and it is great. but only because we choose to feel the victories. 


I choose. to.





May 7, 2017

And the wild bird whispered, "Hold tight."









And the wild bird whispered, "Hold tight."
2' x 2' Oil on Canvas
$1100



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I don't know what the most important thing is. 



*Shrug*


I thought I did. 


I maybe do. 


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Things happen all the time 

that shatter what I think I know. 




I am constantly forced to collect my thoughts, pull them apart, throw them around the room, and sweep them back together into something that looks less like a mess and that makes me feel like 
I accomplished something big.





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There are times in my life when I am super aware that there are only twenty four hours in a day. 
Now is one of them. 

I am incredibly busy, but with good.



and I do know certain things to be very true: 


there is a bird in my chimney. 
plastic bins cannot be chairs. falling into one hurts a decent amount.


and coffee right before exercising is a danger. 

But so too are bees. 


One flew into my face and then landed on the sidewalk. The bee died on my face. 

And with that. I close.







March 13, 2017

little lambs



Ok lets talk themes. 

recently for me- 

peace. 

recently for a lot of us. 


and so that is what I am painting and thinking about.









I painted this while watching The White Helmets. 

a documentary about the Syrian War and a group of people who decide their mission is to rescue the injured. 
no matter who they are. 




It is so unreal how much darkness people experience in this world. 
--------------------------------
that we cannot even go there in our minds and hearts.


Sometimes it is hard to process. but important that we try.



It is important to teach others to try. 
especially children.


because they have to grow up believing they have power to do great things. 






We need to be able to know hurt in order to know healing. 
and to see that the pain our neighbor feels is also our pain.






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breath.

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To transition. 

I will move onto this sleepy little guy. 


he was on the job. or mostly off the job at my mural project earlier last month. 





The mural is for twin boys. 











Their great grandmother loved lambs. 

and these lambs signify her presence with them.








the owner of this mural happens to trust me highly and just said- 

lambs, go. 


so this is what they got. 

















The sweet boys were born very recently too.
joy to the world. x 2.


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 Lastly, 

niece facetime. she found the crown and put it on for laughs. 

She is a walking heart.

the world appreciates her. 






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January 19, 2017

break.



I was silent for the entire month of December. 

I think it was a mix of things.  Some bad. Some good.







quiet.

focus.

act.







Because of my adventure into the world of sign language interpreting, I have been focusing.
Which is great and needed but also that shift is challenging and the boat theoretically leans to one side so there is some new arranging that needs to happen.
I am doing that. 


Lots of things are moving around. in all different parts of my life. And that is uncomfortable.

I am eating my own medicine about how amazing it is to be uncomfortable and taking leaps and how change is woohoo.



I stand by that. I do. I never said it was easy or painless.
I am just trying to listen to myself about it. and not combust.




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The election results. the change in our country's leadership. that silenced me for a bit.
I did not want it to do that...

but I looked away.


I saw things on the TVs in the gym locker room because there are news stations on in there and I realized my facial expressions were uncontrollable. and visible to all.
 so I walk quickly by them now.

Speaking of which. I workout a good amount because I thought-
physically I can do things so I should.
Kind of like... I am training. for what I do not know. But it is probably something great. and I wanted to feel other things. Not just challenging emotions. 

I travel a lot. especially to New York where my niece is. I needed her a lot lately/in my life.
She represents that the world is ok. And promises and happiness and kindness.


and unconditional love.
she's not going anywhere.

She adores. the world. her people. all the good stuff.



I saw a lot of my family in December between traveling and Christmas so that also consumed my attention. Good. 



Sometimes instagram (@goodmorninggoblins ) is easier than anything because it is a picture and I can be done. Also it feels easier when I am not sure what to say and pictures come more easily.

and when there is real turmoil.
I turn to light. and strength. And I found a lot of both there.
in family. and on instagram.

yes on instagram...probably because I follow great people. and when my own life is challenging- I need to see a bigger perspective.
I follow inspiring people. and people who suffer or press onward despite challenge.


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I realize how important what we do is. 

Artists. 


And that is not a limiting title. It is inclusive. 

The arts, they include. 

If there is a feeling of exclusion it is something else entirely.


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Today a student looked up at me and asked with innocent little eyes,




"what is a racist?"




She asked me this in our class of creative expression and exploration. in our class that focuses on empowering one another through learning theater arts skills. and creative problem solving. and dancing. and caring.
it is in the curriculum... formally. the caring part.

it is an inclusive environment. lots of special needs and all special. all needing.

and



I realized that the arts call us to answer questions.
the world does, yes.




and here I was in this place that MATTERED.



Here, I hope I said the right thing. but I am not this child's only teacher. so many people and events will teach her the answer to this question. I only hope I was a part of her learning something important.

I tapped another teacher  sitting next to me so she would hear what I said. I wanted her ears on it too. so that we were both part of this.


I said- it is called being a racist when someone decides things about you just because of how you look or where you are from or how you were born... and they do not look on your inside when they decide things about you.


They do not learn about you.


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I like to think artists are responsible for teaching other people about their own insides.
It is amazing because we think, as artists, that we are speaking about ourselves.
and while we are, human beings are so alike that we cannot peel off the connection to one another. and what we express is also very true about another human being.

in class we teach students how much their feelings and emotions and actions matter.
we talk about how much power there is inside them.



Art does that. It reminds us of the power in ourselves.





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November 4, 2016

Believe in something.




It is a much more beautiful option and also a productive one. 

than being negative and complaining and pointing out everything wrong in the world. 
first- everything is not wrong. 
second- perspective is a gift. 
third- hug a baby or something. 

We get a lot farther elevating one another and what we feel passionately about 
and we get much less far complaining. 

If there is something you believe in- I urge you to get on that train. or boat. or the horse beside the train (hence this blog title) 

I would high five the crap out of you. 


But if not 

try on a different attitude. cause that current one is not fun for anyone to look at. 



hurts my eyes. and insides. 


October 24, 2016

You can't do everything.




Recently I was somewhere and a man asked me what kind of art I make. 

He was saying it as a polite thing. 



And against my better judgement I decided to give him the real and thoughtful answer. 
to which he looked over my shoulder diagonally. Meaning off in the distance and completely not invested in the answer. 






I kept it short because I knew what I was doing... talking to the air and myself... but I kept it real because I decided to sink my heels in. 


and commit to it.


and my answer to that question is not very easy so I struggled with it- even to myself. which is hysterical. I think I heard myself say something about rabbits in stripes and gardens and puppets. 










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Sometimes I need to answer that question regardless of anyone listening because it is important to know my own intentions and to keep my priorities straight.

What kind of art DO I make?!

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I feel like so often we are apologetic in our responses. 
and maybe I say that "we" meaning as women we apologize. I do not fully know.

I know when someone asks me something I am aware of their time and I want to respect that and also I hope they like my answer!-  somewhere in the back of my head... I care.


being apologetic
on another level looks like this


"sorry, I am emotional..."


or 


"I just feel a lot...."

etc. 

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Well, I am not sorry. 



I am full blown not at all a single bit sorry. 
Despite the fact that sometimes I apologize even if I don't mean to... and that is conditioning I think. 


As a woman I have so many emotions. 

As a human really. with a beating heart and a brain and a soul. all of it.


as me.


and as an artist I am compelled to explore those feelings. 



and then I am going to apologize for it? 



hell no. 


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I didn't even start off writing about this. I started writing because 
I had a notable discovery. 
But it relates which is good.


I just figured out:


YOU CANNOT DO IT ALL.









at some point, you cannot get it all done.
This was an epiphany.

Currently my life has to be very disciplined because a lot is going on.

and I drop parts.


I am in school to become a sign language interpreter which in itself is a lot.

and major testing is going on right now. The kind that you get a good night sleep before and sit in a waiting room on a couch nervously waiting for your block of time to start. 

The kind that determine real future things. 


And also. I opened a show - October 14- November 11. Hill Gallery. RVA

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I also work heavily with projects that involve the arts and special education. A brilliant place to find yourself. My favorite place really. 

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and I figured it out guys.

YOU CANNOT DO IT ALL.

something will fall.


And that has to be ok. There is no other resolution.
It is because if we could do it all we wouldn't need one another.

We wouldn't be worked to the core where we are exhausted and broken. That my friends is a gift of a place. Get there and then look around. the world is an amazing place when we are broken enough to really see it.

We also wouldn't prioritize or even know our priorities well. It is so important to know these things.


What kind of art do you make?


No seriously. I am asking.


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October 18, 2016

Who would ever think that so much went on in the soul of a young girl?






Who would ever think that so much went on in the soul of a young girl?

 4' x 4'
oil on canvas $1850

(title is a quote by Anne Frank) 























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Our show opened. 




and we had incredible support. 

it was a blast. 

Thanks to everyone who came. We were so overwhelmed with love we took no pictures until everyone was gone. 


But we remember it like it was last week. because it was. 




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I would also like to thank my niece for her recent studio visit. 




She appreciates art. 



Maybe even a specific rabbit puppet.







 and she had a lot of advice.



We took it to heart. 
Thanks Alice.

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October 10, 2016

101 feels like 72. NEW WORK. Opening reception









deviled eggs, bbq. and lots of food.

Music from Josh Small and Andrew Alli


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My work in this show is about loss. and also about beauty. 
I have been through some rich experiences that continue to teach me how to see the beauty in life. 

Sometimes things are ugly. 

But there are sacred experiences in life and they are good. 

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I am still trying to figure things out. about things that matter. 
I know that I love authenticity and grace. 

But this is what I will tell my niece. to know herself. and to boldly be that.
because vulnerable is brave. 

and emotions are a part of our humanity. Have them wildly. 


If my soul were visible, it is this show.



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I am showing with my dear friend Claire Hill

who makes my days better.





                                                                                                                                          left, Abernathy. right, Claire



We hope you come. 






see you Friday.
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i love music. almost more than everything.