shift

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things you should NOT do: 

have coffee after 5 pm. 

even if you are teaching a night class. and the weather is great. and you are attracted to the convenience store coffee choices.

(and let's stop there. I mean why incriminate myself further)

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I woke up this morning to a note on my truck from the person who hit it. They left their number.

and they said sorry for the inconvenience.


I did not care.
Actually. I thought... what a nice person.


Seriously.



What a small deal in the grand scheme of things.


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Because when people place bombs at the finish line of a marathon... it is a game changer. 

But my game doesn't entirely change. 

it shifts.

See. I'm actively trying to live the crap out of every day.
every second actually.



I have puppets to make.
deadlines to meet.
illustrations to draw.
sun to sit in.
books to read.
documentaries to watch.
friends to love on.
nephews to mash/smother.
sculptures to sew.
thoughts to write.
scarves to knit.
installations to build.
invitations to create.
parties to plan.
mom to call.
backyards to sit in.
footballs to throw
foodtrucks to visit.
students to celebrate.
adventures to take.



I AM NOT BORED.


I think boring people are bored.

When people say... I am bored. I want to be like, "and....."
and then move away and watch them do a little dance. 

which they won't do. 

(because they are boring. and dancing is not)


---------

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My game doesn't entirely change. 




I still know things that are true.
I remind myself.

I know that hope. and kindness. rule.

as in. they are above everything else.


and hope.

is the only thing that can trump everything.

every.time.

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I am not naive.

I know that there are ugly cracks and terrible moments. 

they try to break us. But, they open us.

sure, they destroy parts of us.

and then we feel like we dont understand everything.





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because we dont.



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No one thinks. Wow. I am so glad terrible things happened to me.

and made me who I am.

But what they do think is.



Look at me now.


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And so. we are able to be thankful for the gifts that rise out of it all.



.The hope that poured out of those cracks.



and


The new things that now fill us. and carry us. forward.

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for, We are not finished.

We are not always comfortable.

We shouldn't be.


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we shift.

we move our energy towards something greater.

than ourselves.


____________________________




We should be living as hard as we can.

and doing what makes life easier and more amazing for everyone else.





the pretty part.

is the part where everyone helps each other.

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for it is the scary things that make us brave. 
otherwise we would never be called to put on any kind of courage. 

there would be no need for it.

and courage makes human beings beautiful.




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____________________________________________________________________

When the sun sets in magenta and orange and purple.

Spring is intense.



My mind jumps 43 feet ahead and I am ready for everything.

I am highly affected by the weather.

does everyone want to go camping.swimming.kiteflying.horsebackriding.beachsitting.andseefireworks. AT ONE TIME?

same.


(i do not know where kite flying came from. but the idea is ALWAYS more chic than the reality)

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I immediately want to live outside. on the sidewalk. In the same outfit for the entire summer. last year it was this one particular romper. boots. and a ponytail. or is that every year?

I like when my arms smell like sun and theres dirt on my skin.. I have no issue with that.

And while the country. mountains. and beach are blatantly right for summer.... theres something wonderful about sweating in the city.

I know. sometimes it can be miserable. artists carry so many things at all times. so... i know. grossness.

But everyone is wearing tank tops and drinking on patios and porches. The medians become parks. People just lay out wherever there is a small plot of grass. it is kind of amazing. everywhere smells like a sweaty cookout. 

This is starting to sound less appealing than I mean.

and this. there are magical hidden things. so. look for them.

________________________________

________________________________

Do you see this fort?...

This installation was created by elementary school children with learning differences.

It was student-driven. 

While we were working on it, I did not stop smiling or saying out loud, "this is awesome."

because it was.

Every time I turned around another child would come up with something they had been working on, and we would gasp, and add it on. 

______________

We also asked them to think about messages. to tuck into the nest.

One child made a bird. Many drew things. wrote things. tied things on....

and one of them wrote this.

it doesn't say "my" house. 

it says "your" house.

brilliant. 

_____________________________________________________


That is the hope I am talking about. If you anticipate it....
You may get amazing mornings of fort making this spring.


_______________________________________________________

later. a young adult group came and added ladders to the sky.



yes. I said Ladders To The Sky.

As one of them said, "you know, I like to show off my coolness."


________________________________________________________

and this is long overdue. 

but sometimes people ask... hey. can you make something for me?

They give me a little inspiration, but let me do my thing. 

and those are the people I love to work with.

The ones that trust me.

and this is a piece for two sweet people. that I love.

it was his idea to get her a piece of my art for their anniversary. 

he's cool.

happy spring.

new post about being weird.

sometimes when I have a working title or a place holder. I think it would be funnier to leave it like that.


 in this case. I left my working title.

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I am completely aware that I am weird. 

I always have been. 

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Flashback


when I was a little tiny girl. I would always walk into Po'Folks ( restaurant's name was NOT changed to protect its identity. but it is now a car dealership) and I would acknowledge everyone in the booths we passed on the way to our table. sort of nod to them and smile.



I knew that as a small identical twin, I was odd. and people were actually studying and commenting. So I learned to think that odd. also meant neat.

I was something neat.

_______

I don't know. I feel like 38219312 things added up to turn me into who I am today.
But something cool is - from birth I was part of what my mom always called "A FREAK HAPPENING"....

that's how she refers to identical twins.

(identical twins don't run in families. fraternal twins do. identical twins are by chance.
this happened to my mom because as a child she bought two of every set of paper dolls and willed it upon herself. a very scientific method)

so. pretty awesome.

_______


I may or may not still be considered a freak happening.

I hope I am.


________

_________________________________________________________

carrying a lion head down the street.

I only realize things like this are strange when people walk by.

sometimes people are unscathed by the sight. arguably this reaction makes me more uncomfortable.

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_______________

I tried this new thing today.

I was literally walking at a 4.2 treadmill pace to stay away from someone in an orange apron...
       

                 ....you know those guys.

can i help you?

maam... do you need something?

As I thought about how to make what I was actually looking for sound less strange, I saw multiple orange aprons. in front of me. in my peripheral vision. I could sense them behind me too.

they think I'm looking for paint swatches I bet... so I'll just detract...

I'm just browsing.

to which they say in their heads... um why?

and so in my head I scream

MAYBE BECAUSE I WANT TO IMAGINE THAT I AM GOING TO REINSTALL PULLS ON EVERY DRAWER IN THE UNIVERSE.

or maybe I like dreaming about shelving. and flooring. and the possibility of building a deck or a treehouse or .. i dont know. an entire house.

and they are just staring at the screws in my hand and dying to tell me the difference between a phillips head and a flat head.

But.

I appreciate it.

and today. I stopped running fast walking and decided to try another tactic.

telling him what I was really there for.

I am looking at different ways to attach puppet arms.

silence.

it's a real job.

I literally said that. something inside me said to say that.
So dumb.

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I know he expected-

no. um. really... do you think emerald or sage would look better in the downstairs bathroom. I want to take a risk...





but he got me.

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